Artistic Differences

Richard Burton
Was notably curt on
Whether Philip of Macedon's fate
Was to be upstaged by his Alexander the Ingrate.

Credit: United Artists


Barren Yarns

Hieronymus Karl Friedrich, Freiherr von Münchhausen,
Gehört einer Kette Brünchhausen.
Zwar war das Deutsch hoch, doch,
Aber gerochen haben die Fische ziemlich höher noch.


or do you prefer

Baron Munchausen
Told tall tales ten to the dozen
Of djinns, houris and caliphs,
But never of bankers and bailiffs.

Gustave Doré


Doctor, No?

Roger Moore,
The Beeb claimed, felt it a bore
To attempt the Bond sex scenes aged 58.
Roger No More was to be his fate.

RIP, Sir Roger


The Ingenious Mechanick

John Joseph Merlin,
With figurative moustachios atwirling
And mechanical gaming machinations,
Aroused in Georgians disturbing sensations.

Gainsborough, 1792




Increased Propensity to Flag-Waving

Sunny 9th of May
Humming Europe Day's anthem
It's all Owed To Joy

or do you prefer

Feeling high pressure
Strumming Europe Day's anthem
Owed to Beethoven

© Banksy



May the Running Commence

Doctor Who
As a companion never took a Shih Tzu.
He thought its paws
Too tiny for running down corridors.

credit: Melanie Dullinger

or might you prefer

Doctor Who
In his TARDIS had room for a zoo.
But felt morally conflicted
If not temporally afflicted.

credit: BBC

or perhaps even

Doctor Who
To a Dalek said "Noooo;
Me you cannae exterminate
For a wee new Who will germinate."

credit: BBC


And All The People Cried "Re-joist"

Zadok the priest
Told a blue joke at the feast,
Bringing the roof down, and revealing
To Nathan "the profit is in the re-ceiling."

or should it be

Zadok the priest
Told a blue joke at the coronation feast,
Bringing the roof down, and revealing
To Nathan "the profit is in the re-sealing."


White Man's Burden

Got heartily sick of of those brothers
Murmuring "too damned quiet, what?"
Before it all got way too hot.

credit: Paramount

Or perhaps

Got thoroughly sick of those others
Who "it's too damned quiet" would confess
Just as the natives grew restless.

credit: Paramoun

Or might you prefer

Was decidely sick of those mothers
And the occasional chinless toff
Mouthing "too damned quiet" before it all kicked off.

credit: Rank


Brexit Day

Searching the wardrobe
What to wear when brexiting?
Article Fifty?

or, perhaps,

Queen Theresa the First,
For unconstrained power had a thirst.
One Union she called her "Precious";
Of t'other she refused to make a fuss.

or, mayhap,

Pride unwarranted
Sticking to a timetable
To shoot your own foot

or, indeed,

Her Mayesty
What sayest thee?
When the Madness of Queen Theresa
Infects the average geezer.


Mare Mia

The Man In The Moon
Would like to spoon
With the crescent Venus
When he's waxing gibbous.

Or do you prefer

The Man In The Moon
Thinks fair Venus will swoon
When she sees him gibbous
and so very libidinous.


Fulminate on Mercury

Was sure Hg smells
And his Martians' heat-rays, er,
Foreshadowed the phaser.

credit: National Portrait Gallery

or do you prefer

Wrote of heat-rays not spells.
Though a badly calibrated Time Machine meant
He lived in but never played Mornington Crescent.

By Sunil060902 - Own work, CC BY-SA 3.0, 


"76 Million Words Of Pure Filth"

Enid Blyton
Her imagination took flight on
Conversations on paw and hoof
Often ending with a "woof!"

Inspired by authorial word frequency research by Ben Blatt
Sunday Times, pg 8, 5 March 2017


Satiation in Sutton

"Who ate all the pies?"
The rolly-polly goalie
Prefers a pasty

credit: BBC

Or do you prefer

Wayne Shaw
Thought it a bit raw.
Not his dugout pasty,
But the FA turning nasty.


Plea Bargaining

If, Rudyard Kipling,...
If you'd been a poetic stripling...
If of early parole we'd had pretence...
If you'd passed a shorter periodic sentence.

By Unknown - Rudyard Kipling von John Palmer, Public Domain,



Humpty Dumpty sat on his great wall.
Humpty Dumpty had a yuge great fall.
He instructed Jeff Sessions,
Huffily, to sue the Mexicans.


Being Kitty Smart

Christopher Smart.
Criss-crossing his heart,
Christian tropes expressed so pitiably
Crisply told how he loved Jeoffrey


Daze of Wine and Roses

He wrote poetry like a heady potion,
Did Ernest Dowson.
It was no cure for melancholy or sepsis;
His technique was in fact prolepsis.

Ernest Dowson (1867 – 1900)



Brauchen Sie Rezept,
Wurst im Bier zu kochen?
Erst, sauft das Bier...

Or do you prefer

Need a recipe
To poach sausages in beer?
Step one: quaff the beer...

credit: Takeaway


That Bozo Bojo

Boris Johnson
Finds being Foreign Secretary no fun,
Derided by his boss for lack of stature 
With hair in urgent need of a Thatcher.

Or do you prefer:

Theresa May'd
Gladly have ordered Boris flayed,
But his "punishment beatings" blooper
Put him "first in line" for a week in the cooler.