19.12.16

15.12.16

Reprise and Reprisal

Jane Austen
Replied when asked about men
"Fortune and Flatulence:
For the latter, the former's vital recompense."

Sketch by Cassandra Austen
© National Portrait Gallery, London

2.12.16

Lost First Drafts

Jane Austen
Rejected zombies for men
(Unless they'd an Earldom
And 3,000 guineas per annum).

or do you prefer

Jane Austen
Never mentioned the hymen,
Though she featured the hymnal
Twice in "Pious and Prejudicial".


Cassandra Austen
© National Portrait Gallery, London


19.11.16

Another Secret Society?

Interviewees' 'phones
Ringing during live news spots
The Interrupti

or do you prefer

Dan Brown
Would let witches drown
Before breaking the vow of secrecy
Surrounding the Interrupti




16.11.16

12.11.16

Vegans

If men are from Mars
And women from Venus, who's
From Alpha Lyrae?

© Norton's Star Atlas, Sixteenth Edition, 1973

26.10.16

Poles apart

Sir Ernest Henry Shackleton
Enjoyed a bad pun.
But he went to the ends of the Earth
To give irony a wide berth.


 
credit: Wikipedia


Or perhaps you prefer

Sir Ernest Henry Shackleton,
Like a gag writer, enjoyed the odd pun.
But he went to the ends of the Earth
To give simile a wide berth.

Or even

Sir Ernest Henry Shackleton
Enjoyed a bad pun.
But he went to the ends of the Earth
To give hyperbole the widest possible berth.






21.10.16

You kip if you want...

Al Murray, the Pub Landlord,
In Thanet South, trod a different board.
A full quota of kippers were smoked
And Nigel's ego was poked.

or do you prefer

Al Murray, the Pub Landlord,
In Thanet, struck a satirical chord
As Nigel Farage, the Pub Bloke,
Fear of foreigners did stoke.


Credit: BBC

20.10.16

One Serious Villain

Ernst Stavro Blofeld
Envies the Vulcan mind-meld;
Ordering henchmen by gesticulation
Frees Bond to go on saving the nation.


Publicity image. Source: Wikipedia

16.10.16

25.9.16

Time Paradox

Modern urban scourge
Graffiti tags deface art
Historical worth



Graffiti of Ancient Pompeii
Collated by Prof. Brian Harvey

20.9.16

The Parlour

Ticking clock empty
Tick... tock... tick... tock... tick... tock... tick...
Tick... tock.... tick..... wurrrr... ching!



Inspired by @JoannaCannon's 
The Trouble With Goats And Sheep
Thanks for the inspiration

3.9.16

20.6.16

13.6.16

Thursday, 23rd June

Normal Service will
Resume after the voters
Have cast their ballots.

or is it

Will Normal Service
Resume after the ballots
are cast by voters?



7.6.16

3.5.16

27 Long Drive

On leaving THE RED COW, Pontsticill:

You say "Home now, Mum".
But it's not the home you knew.
To her it's Greenford.

It's Long Drive, Greenford;
Mum's home, sixty years ago.
A long drive, Greenford.




23.4.16

POTUS SMOTUS

President Barack Obama.
Oh, what a drama!
America's friends he'd advised not to drive and drink
Accused him of doublethink.




15.4.16

YOU ARE HERE

Sagan's Pale Blue Dot
All but lost in dark vacuum
Which Nature abhors?

 

or do you prefer:

On Carl's Pale Blue Dot
Humankind's loneliness
Scars souls' unity

  

Carl Sagan's original Pale Blue Dot
 

24.3.16

227, Strand

James Gillray
Elicited much dismay.
Dis may ruin careers;
Dat may incite sneers.

1804

or?

James Gillray
Elicited much dismay.
Dis may provoke tears;
Dat may end careers.

1792

or perhaps?

James Gillray
Would spy a boon in Teresa May.
Her
He'd caricature.

1805

19.3.16

16.3.16

"Dem Bones, Dem Bones, Dem Dry Bones..."

Taking a break from Questioning the PM on Mrs Bone's behalf, Mr Bone expressed his trenchant views on the conduct of the EU Referendum campaign:


Mr Peter Bone
Again did moan
Causing Mr Mark Carney to groan
He'd rather take it from Mrs Peter Bone


Without moving his lips. Credit: Trinity Mirror


And was again mired in controversy more recently:


Mr Peter Bone
Did not take out that loan
And Mrs Peter Bone had no need her spouse to pawn
With help-to-buy from a Mr George Osborne


Credit: Have I Got News For You

3.3.16

Hanging Chads Is Too Good For 'Em

Al Gore
He "used to be the next president" no more.
Step-father of a commercial internet,
Nine-to-two says he's never placed an online bet.

Nobel Peace Prize 2007
© Kjetil Bjørnsrud

21.2.16

Tosca's Kiss

On hearing of the death of Scalia,
"Vissi d'arte" sprung to mind; the aria
Sung by Tosca in Act 2 as her knife
Ends Scarpia's life.



3.2.16

"The Hills Are Alive...!"

Join Mountain Rescue
Home a rescue mountain now!
"A knoll is for life..."

or do you prefer

Join Mountain Rescue
Home a rescue mountain now!
"A troll is for life..."






31.1.16

Echo Chamber Music

Moose! Moose! Moose! Moose! Moose!
Caboose! Caboose! Caboose! 'oose!
Dialed the reverb down

or do you prefer

Moose! Moose! Moose! Moose! Moose!
Caboose! Caboose! 'oose! Moose! Loose!
Turned the echo off



Credit: http://uncyclopedia.wikia.com/wiki/File:Happy_moose.jpg



15.1.16

Romantic Scoring

Richard Strauss
Would've scored Die Fledermaus
For an ultrasonic soprano
And her sunshine-shrinking beau.



Richard Strauss, Pauline and Franz Strauss, 1910
Licensed under PD-US via Wikipedia