Scion of King Lud;
Of King Lear, sire;
Jobbing mad tragic monarch for hire.
30.12.17
Wolf Lord III
Prince Bleiddud,
Scion of King Lud;
Of King Lear, sire;
Jobbing mad tragic monarch for hire.
Scion of King Lud;
Of King Lear, sire;
Jobbing mad tragic monarch for hire.
29.12.17
Singapore Slang
Sir Thomas Stamford Raffles.
What truly baffles?
He didn't invent the charity raffle
But of Singapore's future oft did babble.
What truly baffles?
He didn't invent the charity raffle
But of Singapore's future oft did babble.
28.12.17
Wolf Lord II
Prince Bladud
Would've heard no thud
If his pigs could fly
Not, by his leprous hand, die.
Would've heard no thud
If his pigs could fly
Not, by his leprous hand, die.
27.12.17
Ask a Rupert
Lt Colonel Phillip 'Rupert' Smith.
Quirky, sure, but never wore a Helmet, Pith.
"What's the first rule?"
It's gotta pin - don't use it to play boules.
Quirky, sure, but never wore a Helmet, Pith.
"What's the first rule?"
It's gotta pin - don't use it to play boules.
26.12.17
Wolf Lord I
Lord of Dyfed Prince Bleiddudd,
The Monks of Tenby outwith,
Priests generally he found fickle.
While Druids made him sickle.
The Monks of Tenby outwith,
Priests generally he found fickle.
While Druids made him sickle.
25.12.17
24.12.17
The Big Bang Trouble With Sheep And Goats
There once was a priest from Terra Haute,
Who purchased some sheep and a goat.
Love can be bought, he thought,
Until the moment he got caught.
That quote terribly haughty priest unquote.
Who purchased some sheep and a goat.
Love can be bought, he thought,
Until the moment he got caught.
That quote terribly haughty priest unquote.
credit: TBBT
21.12.17
19.12.17
The Beleavers' Shibboleth
"Brexit Means Brexit"?
Brextremites asked Remoanites
"Brexshit Means Brexshit"
Brextremites asked Remoanites
"Brexshit Means Brexshit"
18.12.17
11.12.17
8.12.17
Linguisticks
Language's first words
Were onomatopoeic,
Like the pain-filled 'Aaaaaargh!'
Were onomatopoeic,
Like the pain-filled 'Aaaaaargh!'
credit: Stanley Kubrick
6.12.17
Old Fat Furry Catpuss
Bagpuss
Once auditioned for Ballets Russes;
His pirouette from watchers a vision did cajole
Of a rotund and lazily twirling barber's pole.
Once auditioned for Ballets Russes;
His pirouette from watchers a vision did cajole
Of a rotund and lazily twirling barber's pole.
photo: BBC
1.12.17
25.11.17
21.11.17
16.11.17
Marketing for Kids
Paddington Bear,
Of his brand, takes great care.
Always wears a red hat and duffel coat
Three sizes too large (allows for marmalade bloat).
Of his brand, takes great care.
Always wears a red hat and duffel coat
Three sizes too large (allows for marmalade bloat).
14.11.17
A Little Forward? No, Eight of Them
Enjoying breakfast
Eight Bath Rugby players too
In Kingsmead's kitchen.
9.11.17
No Room At The In-Crowd
Jacob Rees Mogg
Would hogg
Any place on Theresa's front bench.
May be why it'd be too great a wrench...
Would hogg
Any place on Theresa's front bench.
May be why it'd be too great a wrench...
7.11.17
"Dogs do it, even educated youths do it..."
Graffiti-tagged door
Such 'consummate artistry'
Two men paint them out
Such 'consummate artistry'
Two men paint them out
3.11.17
Durante degli Alighieri
Dante
Hated being caught in flagrante
By his closest circles of Florentine chancers,
Purgatories and Limbo dancers.
Hated being caught in flagrante
By his closest circles of Florentine chancers,
Purgatories and Limbo dancers.
28.10.17
Mrs Brown's Boys
Rosemary Isabel Brown
Made many a rationalist frown.
Her being Brahms and Liszt
In so many bars left them pissed.
Or do you prefer
Rosemary Brown
Made rationalists drown
Their sorrows with many a beer
As they couldn't expose this seer.
Or perhaps
Rosemary Isabel Brown
Inhabited a huge ghost town
Of decomposing dead composing and dictating
New compositions the quick required authenticating.
Made many a rationalist frown.
Her being Brahms and Liszt
In so many bars left them pissed.
Or do you prefer
Rosemary Brown
Made rationalists drown
Their sorrows with many a beer
As they couldn't expose this seer.
Or perhaps
Rosemary Isabel Brown
Inhabited a huge ghost town
Of decomposing dead composing and dictating
New compositions the quick required authenticating.
21.10.17
England Expects...
Vice Admiral Horatio Lord Nelson,
When all was said and done,
Was cables ahead of Admiral Byng
With his invention of virtue signalling.
When all was said and done,
Was cables ahead of Admiral Byng
With his invention of virtue signalling.
credit: Wikipedia
17.10.17
Content-content
A basic sponge mix
Equal parts Irish butter
Sugar, flour and eggs
Equal parts Irish butter
Sugar, flour and eggs
On comparing notebook contents with Ben Colley,
the barman at the Rose and Crown, Larkhall
the barman at the Rose and Crown, Larkhall
13.10.17
"The hall leapt to its pins"
Quentin Letts,
To win some lobby bets,
Dropped "pins" into his Conference sketch,
Feckless for who might retch.
To win some lobby bets,
Dropped "pins" into his Conference sketch,
Feckless for who might retch.
7.10.17
24.9.17
The Balearic Scapegoat
Admiral John Byng
Went to Minorca for a fling.
Ended up losing what he oughtn'a
Pour encourager les autres.
or do you prefer
Admiral John Byng
Would've preferred even Sing Sing
To encouraging more assertion
By being shot for duty desertion.
Went to Minorca for a fling.
Ended up losing what he oughtn'a
Pour encourager les autres.
Admiral John Byng
Would've preferred even Sing Sing
To encouraging more assertion
By being shot for duty desertion.
16.9.17
An Inconvenient Truthahn
Chicken Little
Didn't want to belittle
Sky-falling deniers,
But they're simply wrong, the liars.
Didn't want to belittle
Sky-falling deniers,
But they're simply wrong, the liars.
13.9.17
Here's The Big Un
Kim Jong Un
Is no Kim Rong Un.
What else is a lowly poet to scribble?
A mad man with boosted fission bombs brooks no quibble.
Is no Kim Rong Un.
What else is a lowly poet to scribble?
A mad man with boosted fission bombs brooks no quibble.
10.9.17
7.9.17
Doppelgooner
Grant Shapps
Is one of those unsavory Tory chaps,
But Michael Green
Has no better reason to preen.
Is one of those unsavory Tory chaps,
But Michael Green
Has no better reason to preen.
Shapps Green
30.8.17
23.8.17
21.8.17
Total Eclipse of the Dumb
President Donald J. Trump
Will look a science-denying chump,
If Fox News prompts him to tweet
"Sad. The Sun's been eaten by a yuge parakeet."
Will look a science-denying chump,
If Fox News prompts him to tweet
"Sad. The Sun's been eaten by a yuge parakeet."
15.8.17
Royalty Loyalty
Salmon Rushdie
Found it decidedly fishy
That they'd not accept, his pals,
He'd made nowt from Midnight's Children residuals.
Found it decidedly fishy
That they'd not accept, his pals,
He'd made nowt from Midnight's Children residuals.
© Jonathan Cape
9.8.17
A Little Bird Didn't Tell Me
Sir Christopher Wren
Never said when
He planned to finish St. Paul's.
He felt suspense enthralls.
Never said when
He planned to finish St. Paul's.
He felt suspense enthralls.
7.8.17
Born To Pun
Clarence Clemons
Avoided sucking lemons.
They caused the Big Man's lips to bloat,
Imparting a bitter citrus note.
Avoided sucking lemons.
They caused the Big Man's lips to bloat,
Imparting a bitter citrus note.
5.8.17
Combative Style
Anthony Scaramucci
An effing handbagger-with-Gucci.
It takes longer to read this Clerihew
Than he spent at the White House, phew!
An effing handbagger-with-Gucci.
It takes longer to read this Clerihew
Than he spent at the White House, phew!
4.8.17
1.8.17
28.7.17
Alternative Fads
Follow the Yellow Brick Road,
Exhorts the Myriad Media Toad,
As if thought of the Red Brick Road's a sin.
Oh, Jeremy Corbyn!
credit: Independent
26.7.17
24.7.17
For Every Well-Off Household
Etiquette demands
Special fish forks and fish knives.
And for bean-burgers?
Or does this work better?
Etiquette requires
Special fish knives and fish forks.
But veggie sausages?
Special fish forks and fish knives.
And for bean-burgers?
Or does this work better?
Etiquette requires
Special fish knives and fish forks.
But veggie sausages?
22.7.17
The Puck Stops Here
Dame Margot Fonteyn,
For only one sport felt no disdain.
She admired the charm, grace and poise
Of those professional ice hockey boys.
or do you prefer
Dame Margot Fonteyn
Was a great fan of the quatrain,
Which makes it deuced hard to
Compose for her a Clerihew.
For only one sport felt no disdain.
She admired the charm, grace and poise
Of those professional ice hockey boys.
or do you prefer
Dame Margot Fonteyn
Was a great fan of the quatrain,
Which makes it deuced hard to
Compose for her a Clerihew.
19.7.17
Twinkle Toes
Rudolf Nureyev
Knew better than Our Kev.
A Russian High Lift does not deploy
Ballet lovers to the gods at the Bolshoi.
or do you like
Rudolf Nureyev
Made a mean Chicken Kiev.
Slow-baked, we heard;
It wasn't the Firebird.
Knew better than Our Kev.
A Russian High Lift does not deploy
Ballet lovers to the gods at the Bolshoi.
or do you like
Rudolf Nureyev
Made a mean Chicken Kiev.
Slow-baked, we heard;
It wasn't the Firebird.
credit: BBC
17.7.17
15.7.17
Moto Gizzi
Gizzi Erskine
Might now never wear ermine.
But her jellied stoat
Would bring a lump to many a throat.
Might now never wear ermine.
But her jellied stoat
Would bring a lump to many a throat.
credit: ibsan73
7.7.17
Washington Post-Truth
Sean Spicer
Lost both feet in a dicer.
This 'Alternative Fact'
Might explain his lack of tact.
Lost both feet in a dicer.
This 'Alternative Fact'
Might explain his lack of tact.
credit: The Daily Squat
5.7.17
3.7.17
Childhood Memories II
John Noakes
Was just one of them blokes
With no fear of heights
Or any Blue Peter pet what bites.
or do you prefer
John Noakes
Astonished the young folks
From the cross-trees of HMS Ganges
To ironing Valerie's singlet, hun' (and dungarees).
or perhaps
John Noakes
Would have loved it, folks!
The chance to interview Johnny Depp;
He'd have huzzahed "Get down, Shep!"
Was just one of them blokes
With no fear of heights
Or any Blue Peter pet what bites.
credit: BBC
or do you prefer
John Noakes
Astonished the young folks
From the cross-trees of HMS Ganges
To ironing Valerie's singlet, hun' (and dungarees).
credit: BBC
or perhaps
John Noakes
Would have loved it, folks!
The chance to interview Johnny Depp;
He'd have huzzahed "Get down, Shep!"
R.I.P. John Noakes (6 March 1934 – 28 May 2017)
28.6.17
Childhood Memories I
Valerie Singleton
Could have endless fun
Making gifts from loo rolls
And broken old washing up bowls.
and there's
Valerie Singleton,
In 1971,
Made so much from empty detergent bottles,
Loo rolls, glue and Tiger Moth throttles.
Could have endless fun
Making gifts from loo rolls
And broken old washing up bowls.
and there's
Valerie Singleton,
In 1971,
Made so much from empty detergent bottles,
Loo rolls, glue and Tiger Moth throttles.
credit: BBC
25.6.17
18.6.17
Artistic Differences
Richard Burton
Was notably curt on
Whether Philip of Macedon's fate
Was to be upstaged by his Alexander the Ingrate.
Was notably curt on
Whether Philip of Macedon's fate
Was to be upstaged by his Alexander the Ingrate.
Credit: United Artists
14.6.17
Barren Yarns
Hieronymus Karl Friedrich, Freiherr von Münchhausen,
Gehört einer Kette Brünchhausen.
Zwar war das Deutsch hoch, doch,
Aber gerochen haben die Fische ziemlich höher noch.
or do you prefer
Baron Munchausen
Told tall tales ten to the dozen
Of djinns, houris and caliphs,
But never of bankers and bailiffs.
Gehört einer Kette Brünchhausen.
Zwar war das Deutsch hoch, doch,
Aber gerochen haben die Fische ziemlich höher noch.
G.Bruckner
or do you prefer
Baron Munchausen
Told tall tales ten to the dozen
Of djinns, houris and caliphs,
But never of bankers and bailiffs.
Gustave Doré
8.6.17
2.6.17
A Soldier's Farewell
Captain George Mainwaring
Would quietly have turned to gin,
Or meth,
If Adolph had left him alone with Elizabeth.
Would quietly have turned to gin,
Or meth,
If Adolph had left him alone with Elizabeth.
© BBC, 1972
30.5.17
Zum Stern
"München? Wo genau?"
Armer Kerl: "Fürstenfeldbruck"
"Ah, 'Fahrer fährt blöd!'"
Armer Kerl: "Fürstenfeldbruck"
"Ah, 'Fahrer fährt blöd!'"
credit www.kennzeichen-kaufen.de
26.5.17
Doctor, No?
Roger Moore,
The Beeb claimed, felt it a bore
To attempt the Bond sex scenes aged 58.
Roger No More was to be his fate.
The Beeb claimed, felt it a bore
To attempt the Bond sex scenes aged 58.
Roger No More was to be his fate.
RIP, Sir Roger
22.5.17
18.5.17
The Ingenious Mechanick
John Joseph Merlin,
With figurative moustachios atwirling
And mechanical gaming machinations,
Aroused in Georgians disturbing sensations.
With figurative moustachios atwirling
And mechanical gaming machinations,
Aroused in Georgians disturbing sensations.
Gainsborough, 1792
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