Felt it was fine
That God didn't play dice,
But why invent mice?
28.12.16
26.12.16
24.12.16
19.12.16
Not having your Cake; not eating it
Sir Francis Drake,
When offered some cake,
Said "I'd rather be bouleing
Than drooling."
When offered some cake,
Said "I'd rather be bouleing
Than drooling."
© National Portrait Gallery, London http://creativecommons.org/
15.12.16
Reprise and Reprisal
Jane Austen
Replied when asked about men
"Fortune and Flatulence:
For the latter, the former's vital recompense."
Replied when asked about men
"Fortune and Flatulence:
For the latter, the former's vital recompense."
Sketch by Cassandra Austen
© National Portrait Gallery, London
11.12.16
"So what's the biggest wall you've knocked down?"
General hubbub
Pretending to understand
Overheard snatches
Pretending to understand
Overheard snatches
7.12.16
2.12.16
Lost First Drafts
Jane Austen
Rejected zombies for men
(Unless they'd an Earldom
And 3,000 guineas per annum).
or do you prefer
Jane Austen
Never mentioned the hymen,
Though she featured the hymnal
Twice in "Pious and Prejudicial".
Rejected zombies for men
(Unless they'd an Earldom
And 3,000 guineas per annum).
or do you prefer
Jane Austen
Never mentioned the hymen,
Though she featured the hymnal
Twice in "Pious and Prejudicial".
Cassandra Austen
© National Portrait Gallery, London
29.11.16
27.11.16
23.11.16
19.11.16
Another Secret Society?
Interviewees' 'phones
Ringing during live news spots
The Interrupti
or do you prefer
Dan Brown
Would let witches drown
Before breaking the vow of secrecy
Surrounding the Interrupti
Ringing during live news spots
The Interrupti
or do you prefer
Dan Brown
Would let witches drown
Before breaking the vow of secrecy
Surrounding the Interrupti
16.11.16
ADM Arleigh A. Burke
Admiral Arleigh Albert Burke
Never learned to twerk.
But his Nassau Gyrations
Fascinated the men of two nations.
Never learned to twerk.
But his Nassau Gyrations
Fascinated the men of two nations.
credit: Wikipedia
12.11.16
Vegans
If men are from Mars
And women from Venus, who's
From Alpha Lyrae?
And women from Venus, who's
From Alpha Lyrae?
© Norton's Star Atlas, Sixteenth Edition, 1973
10.11.16
Jaques queues
Émile Zola,
When offered cola,
Demurred as soda
Burp made him like Yoda.
When offered cola,
Demurred as soda
Burp made him like Yoda.
credit: wikipedia
8.11.16
1.11.16
28.10.16
26.10.16
Poles apart
Sir Ernest Henry Shackleton
Enjoyed a bad pun.
But he went to the ends of the Earth
To give irony a wide berth.
Enjoyed a bad pun.
But he went to the ends of the Earth
To give irony a wide berth.
credit: Wikipedia
Or perhaps you prefer
Sir Ernest Henry Shackleton,
Sir Ernest Henry Shackleton,
Like a gag writer, enjoyed the odd pun.
But he went to the ends of the Earth
To give simile a wide berth.
But he went to the ends of the Earth
To give simile a wide berth.
Or even
Sir Ernest Henry Shackleton
Enjoyed a bad pun.
But he went to the ends of the Earth
To give hyperbole the widest possible berth.
23.10.16
21.10.16
You kip if you want...
Al Murray, the Pub Landlord,
In Thanet South, trod a different board.
A full quota of kippers were smoked
And Nigel's ego was poked.
or do you prefer
Al Murray, the Pub Landlord,
In Thanet, struck a satirical chord
As Nigel Farage, the Pub Bloke,
Fear of foreigners did stoke.
In Thanet South, trod a different board.
A full quota of kippers were smoked
And Nigel's ego was poked.
or do you prefer
Al Murray, the Pub Landlord,
In Thanet, struck a satirical chord
As Nigel Farage, the Pub Bloke,
Fear of foreigners did stoke.
Credit: BBC
20.10.16
One Serious Villain
Ernst Stavro Blofeld
Envies the Vulcan mind-meld;
Ordering henchmen by gesticulation
Frees Bond to go on saving the nation.
Envies the Vulcan mind-meld;
Ordering henchmen by gesticulation
Frees Bond to go on saving the nation.
Publicity image. Source: Wikipedia
16.10.16
30.9.16
To Boldly Stay...
Watching new wonders
Unfold as we explore Space
Renews will to live
Unfold as we explore Space
Renews will to live
© ESA / Rosetta
25.9.16
Time Paradox
Modern urban scourge
Graffiti tags deface art
Historical worth
Graffiti tags deface art
Historical worth
Graffiti of Ancient Pompeii
Collated by Prof. Brian Harvey
20.9.16
The Parlour
Ticking clock empty
Tick... tock... tick... tock... tick... tock... tick...
Tick... tock.... tick..... wurrrr... ching!
Tick... tock... tick... tock... tick... tock... tick...
Tick... tock.... tick..... wurrrr... ching!
Inspired by @JoannaCannon's
The Trouble With Goats And Sheep
Thanks for the inspiration
Thanks for the inspiration
13.9.16
What's a little subjugation between friends?
Tories fantasise
'Bout British Empire medals.
Mint Imperials!
'Bout British Empire medals.
Mint Imperials!
11.9.16
9.9.16
7.9.16
5.9.16
3.9.16
Midden English
Geoffrey Chaucer
Could not have been coarser
When he wrote for Lewis, his babe,
His 'Rude Guide To The Astrolabe'.
© Marie-Lan Nguyen / Wikimedia Commons
24.8.16
"Unexpected Item in the Dogging Area"
You old hound-dog, you!
So you play the laid-by field;
What odds your wife too?
So you play the laid-by field;
What odds your wife too?
11.8.16
21.7.16
19.7.16
2.7.16
26.6.16
20.6.16
Look deep to your own heart
Moving to Munich,
Asked be there neo-nazis?
Turns out they're back home.
Asked be there neo-nazis?
Turns out they're back home.
Rest In Peace
Jo Cox MP
22 June 1974 - 16 June 2016
13.6.16
Thursday, 23rd June
Normal Service will
Resume after the voters
Have cast their ballots.
or is it
Will Normal Service
Resume after the ballots
are cast by voters?
Resume after the voters
Have cast their ballots.
or is it
Will Normal Service
Resume after the ballots
are cast by voters?
7.6.16
Twitter's Twit
The Real Donald Trump
Thinks Justice's a chump;
Equity's a shareholding and
A Fair Way runs twixt bunkers' sand.
Thinks Justice's a chump;
Equity's a shareholding and
A Fair Way runs twixt bunkers' sand.
1.6.16
29.5.16
19.5.16
12.5.16
3.5.16
27 Long Drive
On leaving THE RED COW, Pontsticill:
You say "Home now, Mum".
But it's not the home you knew.
To her it's Greenford.
It's Long Drive, Greenford;
Mum's home, sixty years ago.
A long drive, Greenford.
30.4.16
"Ole 382"
Casey Jones.
'Falling down' was not in his bones.
For the flagman, the ghost of the engineer
Through steam and smoke does peer.
'Falling down' was not in his bones.
For the flagman, the ghost of the engineer
Through steam and smoke does peer.
23.4.16
POTUS SMOTUS
President Barack Obama.
Oh, what a drama!
America's friends he'd advised not to drive and drink
Accused him of doublethink.
Oh, what a drama!
America's friends he'd advised not to drive and drink
Accused him of doublethink.
15.4.16
YOU ARE HERE
Sagan's Pale Blue Dot
All but lost in dark vacuum
Which Nature abhors?
or do you prefer:
On Carl's Pale Blue Dot
Humankind's loneliness
Scars souls' unity
All but lost in dark vacuum
Which Nature abhors?
or do you prefer:
On Carl's Pale Blue Dot
Humankind's loneliness
Scars souls' unity
Earth (and Moon) from Mars
(from 90m miles, by NASA's CURIOSITY Rover)
(from 90m miles, by NASA's CURIOSITY Rover)
Carl Sagan's original Pale Blue Dot
10.4.16
5.4.16
The Wizard of Ooze
William Randolph Hearst
Thought he would burst.
The cause?
Antitruss laws.
Thought he would burst.
The cause?
Antitruss laws.
W. A. Rogers (1906)
24.3.16
227, Strand
James Gillray
Elicited much dismay.
Dis may ruin careers;
Dat may incite sneers.
or?
James Gillray
Elicited much dismay.
Dis may provoke tears;
Dat may end careers.
or perhaps?
James Gillray
Would spy a boon in Teresa May.
Her
He'd caricature.
Elicited much dismay.
Dis may ruin careers;
Dat may incite sneers.
1804
or?
James Gillray
Elicited much dismay.
Dis may provoke tears;
Dat may end careers.
1792
or perhaps?
James Gillray
Would spy a boon in Teresa May.
Her
He'd caricature.
1805
19.3.16
Two impressions of England
Quiet countryside
Doves cooing o'er infant school
Girt by tall wire fence
and
Still English village
Belies monopedal harm
Cry "Murder afoot!"
Doves cooing o'er infant school
Girt by tall wire fence
and
Still English village
Belies monopedal harm
Cry "Murder afoot!"
16.3.16
"Dem Bones, Dem Bones, Dem Dry Bones..."
Taking a break from Questioning the PM on Mrs Bone's behalf, Mr Bone expressed his trenchant views on the conduct of the EU Referendum campaign:
Mr Peter Bone
Again did moan
Causing Mr Mark Carney to groan
He'd rather take it from Mrs Peter Bone
And was again mired in controversy more recently:
Mr Peter Bone
Did not take out that loan
And Mrs Peter Bone had no need her spouse to pawn
With help-to-buy from a Mr George Osborne
Mr Peter Bone
Again did moan
Causing Mr Mark Carney to groan
He'd rather take it from Mrs Peter Bone
Without moving his lips. Credit: Trinity Mirror
And was again mired in controversy more recently:
Mr Peter Bone
Did not take out that loan
And Mrs Peter Bone had no need her spouse to pawn
With help-to-buy from a Mr George Osborne
Credit: Have I Got News For You
12.3.16
6.3.16
Steady, Boys, Steady!
For the young - heart-yearn
For the middle-aged - heart-burn
For the old - heart-croak
For the middle-aged - heart-burn
For the old - heart-croak
3.3.16
Hanging Chads Is Too Good For 'Em
Al Gore
He "used to be the next president" no more.
Step-father of a commercial internet,
Nine-to-two says he's never placed an online bet.
He "used to be the next president" no more.
Step-father of a commercial internet,
Nine-to-two says he's never placed an online bet.
Nobel Peace Prize 2007
© Kjetil Bjørnsrud
24.2.16
21.2.16
Tosca's Kiss
On hearing of the death of Scalia,
"Vissi d'arte" sprung to mind; the aria
Sung by Tosca in Act 2 as her knife
Ends Scarpia's life.
"Vissi d'arte" sprung to mind; the aria
Sung by Tosca in Act 2 as her knife
Ends Scarpia's life.
18.2.16
15.2.16
Unconsidered Opinion
Antonin Scalia
Inter alia
Expressed his dissent
From that last judgment
Inter alia
Expressed his dissent
From that last judgment
After Steve Pettway
12.2.16
Porn to Queen's Bishop Six
Sex watched through Windows
Peeping Toms with dirty Macs
Varied per version
Peeping Toms with dirty Macs
Varied per version
9.2.16
6.2.16
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